ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
