Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
