where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
