An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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