I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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