I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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