We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
