you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
