I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
