Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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