When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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