And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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