No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
