I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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