I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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