I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
