But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
