Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
