loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
