plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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