I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
