i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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