how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
