the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
