if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
