so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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