from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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