Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
