i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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