we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
