So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
