do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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