tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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