But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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