is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
