just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
