My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
