you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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