ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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