I hate your face
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
