Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
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chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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