new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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