Say something about gay babies.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
