you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
