i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
