Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
