I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
