His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
