If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
