Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
