i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
