pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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