Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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