you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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