Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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