Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In America we eat man semen.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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