Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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