wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
