It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
