I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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