Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
