I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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