I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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