i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
