guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
