as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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