Where is the hickey?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
