do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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