He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
