Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
