Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
