Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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