is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
