Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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