How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
