Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
