I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
