I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
