when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
