i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
