Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
