she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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