Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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