I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
