I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
there is glitter all over my balls
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