Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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