Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
