these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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